Willing the G-ds of Fate

I’m still at the tail end of the two week wait. We are trying to decide if it’s best to have the nurses give me the news of my blood test, or have them call the Bear. I want to be IN CONTROL and hear it, but I don’t want to be stuck between meetings weeping in the bathroom stall (as before….).

Sometimes it feels like the movie“Goundhog’s Day” where we remain in a cycle of horrific repetition. We get the same news every time. I am always told I am pregnant, but the numbers are too low. They make me do other bloodtests and wait till the number is zero before they leave me alone. It makes me feel like my soul is holding on to a faint heartbeat that is getting slower and slower until it stops. It’s been terribly painful for both my husband and me.

Obviously I cannot control fate, but if I can break out of the cycle of repetition, perhaps I am doing something in my small way to WILL the g-ds of fate to give us a new solution. What if I do everything differently on the day of our blood test? Here are some of my ideas so far. I'd love additional feedback and other ideas. Even silly or outlandish ones....


1. I will wear something very bright, even though it's winter in New England. That way the g-ds of fate may take notice and I will proclaim "This is the day!"
Maybe I'll wear a lucky necklace or something I haven't worn before...


2. I will get my blood drawn at another location.


3.I will have massive sex the night before. That's not something I would normally do before the test.


4. I will begin the day eating something unconventional- like ICE cream for BREAKFAST.


5. I will leave myself little notes of affirmation at work, so no matter what the news, I will see these little wise and supportive thoughts.


6. I will go to temple a few days before. It will be Hanukkah no less! (If I am not feeling particularly Jewish, I will create my own little temple and say a prayer somewhere...)


7. I will send myself flowers...(????)I have not done that- so no matter what the outcome I will get a little present of love.


8. I will leave a little WISH note in the third stocking we have hanging on the mantle. That way our wish is out in the universe. 


Any other ideas???????? Any favorites.


Please say a little prayer for us and our embies! Every little bit helps....