Newlywed Diaries: Bermuda Blues

We’re in Bermuda and I just found a wireless connection. 

I promise I am not a career-obsessed woman, or an addicted blogger (although my husband would beg to differ). I was on my way to the ferry this morning, with the cool aqua water in sight, and I had to turn back because I left my phone in the B&B. Today is “Baby’s day out”  so to speak. It’s a wee bit of “me time” where the Bear and I go off and do our own thing, and then come back together, grateful for the freedom our relationship provides. The Bear is golfing today. It was my anniversary present to him.  A tee time at the club of his choice. My “me time” was to involve a ferry trip to the Dockyard in a neighboring Parish, a bit of run cake, a sip of rum swizzle and some SHOPPING for local goods. Unfortunately, I missed the ferry and the next one is in an hour.

Halfway there, sweating like an animal, I realized I left the phone back up the hill. For a moment I thought, “I would not have to go back if I was SINGLE.” But now, my heart and life are tethered to another person. I was surprised at my frustrated reaction. I was a single, independent woman for so long, these little thoughts seem to pop up unannounced. 

It’s not that my single life was “better” than my married one. At times I remember feeling as if I could die of loneliness. But the choices and the experiences were mine alone. I did not have to answer to anyone, but I did not have anyone I loved to come home to, either.

Yesterday we took the bus out to horsehoe beach, and the water was the most exquisite aqua I have ever seen. We frolicked in the waves and then enjoyed rum swizzles on the way back to Hamilton.

We are having an amazing time, but I realize now that if we were contestants on Survivor or The Amazing Race, we would probably end in a fireball- or divorce! We do not always travel well together. He’s a “barker” when he’s stressed and I am a bit of a princess. I love exploring and soaking everything in, but I don’t like to push it past my limits. He’s a thrill seeker who’s either living to the fullest, or lounging by the TV. He’s also reticent to try things he has never done before, like new foods or strange places, longing instead to skydive or drive a moped TOO FAST down a windy road. I find those things risky and scary, and try to avoid them.

I know I should not read too much into this. We are both having a wonderful time here, both together and apart, but spending six days on this island with nothing to do but drink RUM and swim and make love and watch TV (: () puts things in a new perspective. We are different in how we handle things, I have known that, but marriage, at times requires work to appreciate and acknowledge differences.

Maybe this was a lesson I was supposed to learn.

Gotta go an try my luck at the ferry again. Phone in hand this time. Any wisdom you choose to share will be greatly appreciated!

Wishing you sunshine and bliss.

M

The Things You Give Away

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The Things You Give Away….

August 20, 2009 by romancingthestone | Edit

I wanted to confess something….

 

You might be wondering why I called this blog “IVF and the Newlywed” when I haven’t really been spending a whole lotta’ time talking about my uterus or my sprightly egg count. It’s just that I can’t. I find the IVF process itself to be thoroughly exhausting and I have discovered it’s extremely helpful for me to focus my mind on more INSPIRING, EMPOWERING and TASTY topics. Right now, those ethereal things have been the juice that has kept me going. Perhaps it’s a smokescreen to the real “issues” of the fertility-challenged, but at least it keeps me laughing!

 

Now for today’s topic: The stuff you give up…..

When I got married, I traded in my sporty convertible for a lumbering black jeep. (This is not a metaphor!). My lease was up on my car and I was scared to drive it on slippery icy days. I also wondered how MILF-like I would look with a baby seat in the back and the ragtop down. How would you get a kid out of a 2-door sports car anyway?

So in the days between our wedding and reception, my husband and I picked up our new little SUV. We opted for a smaller, boxy kind that had a cleaner engine, 4-wheel drive, and really good gas mileage (relatively speaking). It was a stunning, aloof shade of black, with tinted windows and big sidewall tires. I knew I would feel safe in this car, and I liked the feeling of riding high in the saddle. In Boston, it’s all about being the top-man on the road, as you careen past bad drivers and shout nasty words from your car!!!!! (Often with your windows closed so as not to truly upset anyone!). I was a bad-@ss yuppie.

Lately I’ve been missing my convertible. I’ve also been missing the sofa we gave away to upgrade to “married furniture”. It’s been hard for my husband to understand. Sometimes, when I’m amped up on the baby-med hormone shots I’ll just sit across from the new sofa and glare at it. I even told it “I hate you!” once. (No response from the couch). 

What my husband may or may not understand is that these were my “single” things. A sexy blue sport scar with buff leather seats that screamed “I’m successful and fantastic, and I don’t NEED your money!” And that sofa bed–  one of the first big pieces of furniture that I purchased for myself, acknowledging at the time that I was a new homeowner and was going it alone. Through the years, this couch was my refuge for long nights of girl talk and even longer nights of crazy Fall  s ex. It was soft, and velvety, and it was MINE.

(Oh the things you can do on a rolled arm couch………But I digress!)

I think I miss those things because they represented my former-life to me. The carefree, sassy girl with money to spare. Successful, self-protected, smug. Sometimes I feel like I have traded in an old life for a new one, and gotten rid of my “stuff” but I don’t know what’s going to replace it yet. Will it be sweet baby furniture, or a suburban garden filled with ripe tomatoes and love? Will it be an empty nest? What are the things He and I are “building together”?

Oftentimes, it is that limbo between single lass and newly married lady that makes you feel like you are floating. It’s hard to know what you will land on. Will it be a soft, cushy new sofa, or the floor of an empty nursery?

I talked to my Advisor about this. It came out like gunpowder, “I’m giving up all this stuff, and I don’t know what’s replacing it yet!!!!!” She told me that with every new thing you bring into your life, you have to give up something else. It just happens.

I don’t know what will come into our lives to mark the passage of our first year of marriage. I only know that when I wash the Jeep it SHINES, and when I cuddle on that couch with my Sweetie, there’s no place I’d rather be….

 

Wishing you many happy moments…

IVF and the Red Sox?

I’m putting this out there to see if anyone has any sound advice for a frisky lass like me.

In Boston, the jockey boys seem to be very superstitious. There seems to be some belief that whatever you are doing while good luck abounds, you must KEEP doing it, so as not to jinx your good fortune. There was one year that the Red Sox were winning the pennant, and men just stopped shaving through the winning streak, so as not to “cool” the team. They said it was to “reverse the curse” against the Yankees, and soon began looking more like billy goats than the handsome strapping men they once were. EEEK!

Would a woman resign from shaving her legs while her favorite American Idol was on a winning streak? Would this abundance of leg hair actually seal his or her success?

I mean who would DO THAT????

I bring this up because my husband (g-d love him) is one of these superstitious jocks. He’s been very sweet and cuddly lately but our recent nights have been very G-rated! I mean, we’ve been married less than a year and he’s pulling out old Disney DVD’s to watch instead of trying to “take me” on the carpet. Where’s all the lust and romance I once knew (oh so briefly) in our months pre-IVF?

Finally, I asked him “What's up”?

“I don’t want to be a cooler” he says, alluding to a person who brings bad luck to someone (or a person that might shave during a the Sox’s next winning streak and thus jeopardize their success).”I don’t want to jinx US?”

I realized, once I translated his lingo into something I could understand, that he decided that he won’t shag me until we get a positive pregnancy test. See, we’re on the dreaded two week wait. That seemingly endless time between IVF and the first pregnancy test. Our luck has not been good in the past, leading up to this milestone.

I do hope we get a positive test, but when will he let wood be wood again? Will we make it to home base or will I strike out again?? We all know the first trimester is the hardest. Will this go on for the first three months? The full term? What do I do?

Has this ever happened to anyone else? I wish I could just ask him to forgo chocolate or something, but not sex!!!!