For all those wild women going through the baby making process, I salute you! I wish I could take you all out for a pedicure and a glass of proseco. Since this is not possible, I will do what little I can to add humor to your day.
Here are 5 suggestions to help make this process a little less rocky .....
1. FILL YOUR CUP. Find something that you can pour your hopes and energy into.
I'm talking about something for YOU! I knew a social worker once who said that life is like a leaky paper cup. We spend so much of our time giving our "essence" to our jobs, friends, lovers and material pursuits that soon our cup is empty. We have nothing left to give to ourselves. FILL YOUR CUP with something that fortifies and enriches you. For me it is the belly dance I've adopted each morning. This BLOG has helped me put my hopes into the universe. My COUNCILLOR has been a guiding force and fantastic sounding board. The ladies at work I MENTOR have helped me learn a thing or two about life (as well as Gen Y) and refresh my SPIRIT with the philanthropy benefits we take on together. These are things I do, but you must find your own passions to keep your essence alive. It may take time away from your aforementioned job and lover but you will have so much more to give back!
This process of adding on to your family is hard whether it's adoption, IVF, surrogacy, or the plain au' natural method. It's easy for a woman (or man) to feel lost in it. To feel less than whole. You must do things for yourself to replenish your spirit.
2. NOURISH your body.
A friend of mine uses this word often, and the assonance of the vowels roll off her tongue like smoke rings. NOOOUUUURISH your body! It sounds so simple but so easily overlooked. YOU are going to the the incubator of the future most loved person in your world, and YOU need to take care of YOU. Granted I like a good donut once in a while, but all I am saying is do things that make you feel like you are lovin' on yourself. I experiment with acupuncture, cooking yummy soups, and slathering lotion all over my big, lustful body. Find your own way to nourish and fortify yourself. You'll feel better : )
3. NAME YOUR ALTER EGO.
When I was single and seething with vitality and lust I had an alter ego named CELESTE. I envisioned her as a cat with soft silver hair, green eyes , and a rhinestone tiara. Celeste was obviously me, but she was an uber-confident coquette that I needed to call upon when I felt a shy insecurity creeping in. Sometimes I would call upon Celeste when I had to do a big presentation at work and had knocky knees, or when I needed a little extra chutspah (translated: girlpower) on a first date.
NOW my alter ego is TARRA. She presented herself one day after I began the series of hormone screeching shots I needed to take leading up to IVF. Tarra is a pterodactyl. Now, while pterodactyls
- Alter ego? Or predator?
are not as cute and cuddly as a domesticated house cat, they CAN fly and they do have their own "special" beauty. I think they even have talons! My Tarra hisses sometimes (especially on the meds) but my husband knows it's NOT ME, it's Tarra! We even joke about it if she says something particularly heinous. I just put my hand to my mouth. Then we blame her (she sits on my shoulder) and we go on with our day....
Now my man had taken up his own alter ego. His name is Bronto. I just found out he's a brontosaurous. So when Tarra throws a shit storm, Bronto snaps back. Then, we laugh at them both and share a pizza. (By the way, pizza is on the list of nourishing foods!)
4. READ a slutty summer novel.
I'm joking here, but I have found with the shots, hormones and Doctor visits that it HAS helped me to have a mental break into some steamy summer novel. It's like taking a vacation without leaving the waiting room.
5. TALK to your friends- but set ground-rules!
We can't help it. Throughout all of time women have benefited by a little "kibitzing" with other women. Who else but your best friend is going to let you talk about your vagina and not hold it against you? Now there does come a point when we ALL (myself included) get a little obsessed and talk about it- and this experience- a little too much. Know when to stop!
And as far as ground-rules go, my sister (wise woman that she is), told me when I began this journey to let people know what you are comfortable with and what might be "don't ask, don't tell". For example, I appreciate that my friends and family ask me "how are you doing?" It's an open careful question that I can explore as deeply as I wish to. I have asked them not to ask for dates or those queasy details that maybe I'm not ready to divulge. Why are dates on the No-No list? Because every dear friend and Jewish (or not) mother remembers all the dates you tell her, and will follow up promptly (out of love) to see how it went. Maybe you are not ready to announce the results of your two week wait, or you need some mental processing time. The "no dates" rule keeps things from being time bound so you can disclose what you want, when you want to.
Much love, luck and happiness to you. I hope it helps!
M.
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